How Getting Engaged Has Changed My Attitude, and My Friendships

Earlier this year I unexpectedly got engaged, in Europe, an absolute dream!  I hadn't been thinking of marriage at this point in my life, even though Jake and I have been together seven years, for I have a lot going on at the moment.  I'm graduating after this fall, debating whether or not I should go to grad school, trying to move up in my career/branch into another one, maintain a thriving social life, and like always, struggling to stay healthy and live my best quality of life.  But when Jake asked, we had a long and serious talk, and then I happily accepted his proposal.  I'm a little embarrassed that I didn't jump around and say yes a million times over right when he asked like one sees in the movies, but I had to be absolutely sure we were on the same page about things.
We live and own a home together, but we've both changed and grown a whole lot since we first met when I was seventeen and he was nineteen.  So I went down the list of importances to be sure we had the same vision about our lives, and when that was a mutual yes, well then we celebrated!

It's not that I hadn't thought about marrying Jake, I just didn't think it was going to happen at that moment in my life.  I was so focused on myself and my own personal growth problems, that I hadn't been putting as much effort into our relationship as I should have been.  Jake had been making major career strides and growing as a person and I think I was taking Jake and our long relationship for granted.  Thankfully that's changed.  Since getting engaged Jake and I cut out more time for each other and continue to grow, for we understand that the stronger we are together the better our relationship will be.
I realized I need to slow down and put more attention into Jake and I.  I've learned that things don't always have to be perfect.  Sometimes good really is good enough when it comes to work and school and that's something I couldn't understand before.  Obviously, I care deeply about what I put out there with my name attached to it, but since getting engaged, planning a wedding, and putting more time into my relationship with Jake, it's given me a different outlook on my current life.  I put way too much pressure on myself when it comes to school and work, and that's something I'm continually working on.

Something else that unexpectedly happened since getting engaged is the people in my life.  I may be overreacting, but I know since posting that picture of a ring on my finger my circle of friends has changed.  Positively, people I haven't talked to in a while all started messaging and getting ahold of me.  I've spent time with friends I had lost touch with, and a few I've been talking to regularly again.  I'm happy about this because I didn't realize how many people I hadn't kept up with, and even missed.  But negatively, I've lost a handful of friends too.

Example One, a really good friend of mine, who is a few years older than me, thirty, started acting odd since I told her of the engagement.  She was saying she was happy for me, but I could tell there was more going on, something else on her mind, but I ignored it for she was a good friend of mine.  She sent me wedding things every day.  Texted me nonstop Pinterest ideas for a bachelorette party, wedding shower, and the wedding itself.  It was fun.  Something I had never experienced before, planning a whole wedding with friends, and I planned on having her apart of Jake's and my day, but every time she sent me something she started talking about her nonexistent wedding.  I didn't say anything, just let her talk and vent for I love my friends and I respected her opinions, but she had a way of turning things negative by constantly talking about herself not having anyone, significant otherwise, and not being even close to marriage.  She'd spiral by saying she most likely was never going to have children or a family because she can't find anyone.  I always tried to comfort her and talk, but being around her was like walking on eggshells for little things set her off.
And one night, we were at dinner with another friend, and a harmless comment I made derailed her.  While talking about her dating life I mentioned that, in my opinion, online dating doesn't work.  I never knew this would upset her so much but my seemingly innocent comment lead to her screaming at me in a restaurant.  It ended bad and after giving her some space I tried reaching out and even apologizing, but it never worked.  A good friend and I haven't talked in eight months and counting all over a night out after one comment.  I know there's more there.  She has more in her life going on, and she projected that towards me, and that's not fair, but I also don't think it's cool of her to not return any of my texts and online messages.  I'm sad that our friendship is apparently over, but the more time goes on the more I realize this person clearly wasn't that great of a friend in the first place.  Even though we used to talk every day and see each other weekly, she must not have felt the same about us the way I did.  I wish I could understand or have her tell me her reasoning for leaving our friendship in the dark, but I guess not everyone gets closure on every relationship in their lives and I just have to accept that and move on.

Example Two, my roommate, who was definitely one of my funniest and craziest friends, who I always used to go out with, seems to have moved on as well.  Since the official wedding announcement, it appears she's been going out a whole lot more, and never with me.  I even ask her to hang out, and I plan outings, but I feel like we're at such different places in life and she's been making it obvious.  All a sudden she's been canceling on me, being flakey, and seemingly never wants to be around me anymore.  Writing out, I feel like I sound crazy, but there's definitely been oddness and an off atmosphere with us.  When I am around her I try to not talk about wedding things, especially because she never asks, but I feel a kind of sadness that I've lost yet another friend.  I didn't plan on anything changing with getting engaged, and maybe I'm looking too much into all this, and sound insane, but it's the conclusion I've come to.

As for the other relationships in my life that are thriving and even picking up, I'm thankful for that.  I have multiple friends who haven't acted any different, and that shows me who is true in my life.  And to the few who have been reaching out to me and we've reconnected, I love that.  I consider myself a very social person, and I care about having meaningful relationships in my life.  So if someone wants to be my friend and we have fun together, well I consider that a win.
Getting engaged has changed things in my life, but not in a bad way.  Jake and I have been happier and more connected than ever.  I'm truly happy and excited to get married, and I've found light in other friendships in my life.